Be prepared
by Nagy Bari
Summary: Someone would call her paranoid, some wise and some logical... Well at lest, she's still alive and she gets paid. And that's good. Really good. Money is good. And she gets it. Form Izaya... so yeah. She may or may not be paranoid nor wise or logical, but she survives anyway. And she's happy with it.
1. What if

Yagiri Namie was a clever woman. She was prepared for the worst, all the time in her life. And we have to admit she must be an expert in it considering the mere fact she works with Orihara Izaya, the satan's alter ego himself. So when trying to imagine just how prepared she can be, think about the worst situations that come with her job.

That's why she has a chemical fluid specifically made for Izaya himself to knock the informant out if everything turns to the worst. She hadn't had to use it... yet.

But let just imagine Izaya as he comes back to the apartment, clearly high from some psychotic experiment - or drug, you may never know - and maybe a little drunk from alcohol and adrenalin as well (don't you dare to question her, she knows what she knows. Izaya is a freak). For this time Namie would say this is definitely the worst combination ever she would have to face. And it's just the base of his mood.

So time to make the situation a little more worse. Maybe he's that high up he suddenly wants to seduce and take to bed his only companion in the apartment, the situation not leaving him any choice so that would be Namie. Or the Dullahan's head on the shelf. But since it's less fun - as he would say in a sing-sang voice that made Namie wishing to be deaf - Namie is the real only option here.

More. He turns his idiot idea to action. Sexual harassment. Or more. She can handle him, if he's just bored or drunk, but when he would be drunk and full with energy and an abnormal desire, she would have real problem. She's only a weak woman after all, cannot stand a chance against a high up, hyperactive monster that can fight and flee from Heiwajima Shizuo himself. Maybe now you get the idea why to have that little doze of actual nerve poison with her all the time.

If you think that was the end of the situation sit back and listen a little bit more.

Since he will obviously expect her to defend herself she cannot use it in the beginning of the story. She have to be really careful. Sometimes this irritating Joker-like person seems to read thoughts as well. If she gives away even the tiniest information about her ultimate weapon she's lost.

How she hates these mind games she's forced into due to her own defending instinct. So she have to do something he would never expect, then she has a little chance to knock him out. So what would he think she would do if he pins her to the wall or couch or desk?

At this point Namie simply did not want to think like Izaya. It's just... _Brrrr..._  
So at this point she would do nothing, and wait until Izaya himself says something about what had he expected.  
The rest of it should be easy. . . Should be. She just have to do something irregular or unexpected then use this chance to attack him with the poison and then leave the scene with all her glory. After that call sick for at least a week and hope he was so high up he cannot even remember a thing.

This is how really prepared Yagiri Namie is every single time she walks in her workplace. The twist in this story - as we always have a different end than we imagined - that Orihara Izaya discovered this specific poison made only for him, and replaced it with harmless water with a little paint. Maybe he has a little different image about how would his dear secretary use it against him but for now, he's not really interested testing his idea in reality. Yet.

* * *

A.N.: Once I read a little idea where Namie had a syringe prepared just in case she cannot handle Izaya, so I tried to imagine it a little, and play with the options. I want to write the case where Namie actually use this not-so-secret weapon of hers, but it will take a time. Hope you liked it, characters belong to their rightful owner. Maybe this style is different, sorry for that, sometimes I'm serious and dark as Sirius Black, sometimes crazy like the creators of this lovely show. One of my favorite :) Have a nice day :)


	2. it works?

Better safe than sorry they say... Better fear then be frightened they say...

Yagiri Namie with all her not that fragile figure of her's wanted to make those idiots bow before her and beg for her pardon since they were terribly wrong.

But in this situation the only person bowing - more like lying unconsciously -before her was her idiot boss: Orihara Izaya. Oh god if he wakes up she will be so doomed...

No! No time for these little panics, she has to act cool headed and fast!

So here she was searching for the so-called strongest man of Ikebukoro with a knocked out informant in the back seats of her car, hoping she will find Shizuo sooner than her boss coming around.

The time the monstrous man picked up his phone asking "Who's it?" in a raspy voice from tiredness - or irritation? - she realized that phoning Shinra would have been the easiest... Great. Now she has no time to change plans.

\- It's Namie. I have a huge favor to ask... - she could literary see the man twitch on the other side of the phone thinking to end the call immediately.

\- And why should I help you exactly? - he asked finally in slow painfully cold way.

\- You can beat up Izaya once in your life.

\- You would give him out. To me. - the silence was unbearable. - What do you think, that I'm a moron bastard with no respect to others or what? Do you see me like such a monster? - his voice was again horribly cold and scary. But Namie wasn't the type to be afraid from unusual people like him.

\- I didn't tell you I would let you kill him. I just need your help. And after that you can beat him up. Maybe. If we are lucky enough.

\- . . . Aren't you his employee?

\- Do I look like the type who loves her employer?

\- Point taken. What do you want me to do?

\- Could you come outside? I'm here, parking just before your flat. I don't want to spend this much money to a phone call.

\- Alright...

The seconds were trudging, like they wanted to drive her crazy. So she tried to collect the moments that let here.

Her idea about the worst situation that can happen to her, thought it was a lovely day to become reality. She was working in the - his - apartment, doing her job perfectly as always. Suddenly a wild - and drunk, and definitely not well being, and maybe or more like definitely drugged - Izaya appeared attacking her - aiming for her throat - with his notorious knife, forcing her to use self defense. Which happened to be quite effective. And she had no idea why. For real.

Someone knocked on her window. She got out of her car.

\- So what do you want? - Shizuo looked like any normal man would if someone waked them up in the middle of the night: rumpled and grumpy.

\- Accidentally I knocked Izaya out and I have no idea what to do now. I mean if he wakes up he will definitely remember something and he won't like what happened. But maybe if we make a scene as he wakes up he will forget about it.

\- . . . and why me? - his question was pure curiosity.

\- I couldn't think of anyone else.

\- For real? - she nod. - What about Shinra? I'm sure he would have a bunch of plans what to do.

\- I'm not sure we have that much time to go to him.

\- Why?

\- I have no idea when that bastard will wake up. But he's been knocked out for a half an hour already... I feel he will wake up soon.

\- Of course he will. He always does. So? What's the plan?

\- Maybe when he wakes up we give him a drink or two and tell him jokes like we're best buddies, so he will think it's only a dream and forget everything?

\- I'm not found of this plan.

\- Then maybe we can... - Namie lost herself in her thoughts. Shizuo just stood there and watched as the stoic doll of Izaya, the closest person of the informant tries to figure out something this crazy. He sighed and growled.

\- What about this. You take him, lie him on the sofa, get a towel on his head and make some coffee. When he wakes up, you read a book or something, just doing your usual stuff and if he ask about what happened, because he will tell him he was pretty drunk and collapsed right when he arrived home.

Namie looked at him as if he said to kiss a monster or thank a cannibal that it eat her whole family.

\- What? It's the best I can think of. And believe me Shinra would say the same. Or even worse.

\- Okay, what if we just dump him out in some dark alley and leave him there?

\- Clever. - and the strongest monster smiled at the coldest secretary. Life in Ikebukoro is really strange.

Izaya woke up with a terrible headache, but from reflex he didn't show it. He could hear some mumbling voice from outside, and felt his head was about to explode, plus the thing he's lying on is not that comfortable. You could even say it's horribly uncomfortable. As he tried to gather the little piece of information about his whereabouts, a door was opened and he could hear clearly the voices now. A woman and a man. Probably around his age. They sound awfully familiar. But he was almost crying from pain, he had better things to think about. Like curse the pain.

Suddenly the question popped up in his mind: What had happened actually...? He could recall having a great deal with someone, and fight Shizu-chan but after this...

\- Thank you for helping with this.

\- It's still not clear how will you reward me.

\- Then tell me what do you want. It's much more easier.

\- And a really good question. I don't want anything from you.

\- I'm glad to hear it.

\- But I don't really feel like helping you for nothing.

\- Clear thing. So? A drink?

\- Nah...

\- A dinner?

\- That would just feel too strange.

\- Yeah. So?

\- Maybe you could tell me when can I catch this bastard, when he flees next time.

\- It's almost the same I offered you in the beginning.

\- Almost... But I'm not a monster unlike this bastard.

\- Seems like. - silence fell to the place. Izaya figured out they're in a car, and they're moving. - Maybe here?

\- It's pretty far from everything. Seems ideal to me.

\- Again, we agree. Hope he hadn't wake up jet.

This moment just felt the best to disturb this horribly nice conversation. He recognized the voices at last and he was more then upset.

\- Sorry to disappoint you Namie-chan but I'm more than awake. And to find you team with Shizu-chan makes me really sad. Namie-chan, I trusted you more than this.

This would be perfect if he could have been actually turn to them. But his head was spinning and he couldn't really feel to be in control of his body so he remained lying on the seats. Thus he couldn't see the others reaction. He guessed, but it's not the same. And he didn't really liked this deep silence either.

\- Seems like what ever I worry about becomes reality. Fortuna really hates me. That b*tch.

\- Happens with everyone, it's okay. So? Continue as planned?

\- Wait, wait, wait... You two planned this out like completely?

But none of them troubled to answer him. Shizuo simply pulled him out from the car by his legs, then dropped him down next to some garbage, after that sat back into the car and the fearsome informant could only watch as the two drives away. He cursed beneath his breath with awe and frustration. He wouldn't really ever imagine Namie would have the strength - or stupidity as you like - to stood up against him in a way like this. After an hour or two the loyal and irritating Shinra came and picked him up. When he asked how did he find him, he said he received a message from himself to do so.

Izaya figured it out with ease who sent it: his lovely stoic doll.

* * *

A.N.: Thank you for reading it, hope you liked and enjoyed it.

So the previous chapter there was a possibility she had the poison with her and Izaya had no information about it - strange and unbelievable I know. As you can see this means we will have a chapter where Izaya changed out the poison to water or something.

So I think Shizuo and Namie would be really awkward but hella good friends, because they can really help each other out in time of need. Just think about it. And of course we have to have Shinra :D We all need a little Shinra in our life :D

Anyway thanks for reading again, hope you liked it, and have a really nice and funny day :)


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